Struggling.....

I feel like all I do lately is struggle. I struggle with going to work, I struggle with being in the holiday spirit, I struggle with knowing who my real friends are....

I hate going to work. I love what I do.... I absolutely love when people come in and say I have this event I am going to and I need a new outfit. This is what I like this is what I don't like. Go pick out whatever you think will look amazing. I feel soo accomplished when I'm able to choose things that look amazing on them, and they are happy with the out come. Right now I just can't handle all the backstabbing, and all the complaining, and everything that's going on. One of the managers constantly complains about her love life to everyone, and when I say everyone I mean everyone. All the employees and all the customers. It's super annoying. She's so scattered brain it's ridiculous. She tells me a hundred different things to do, which I get accomplished for the most part, but she always go back right after me and changes things. Even when I do exactly what she says to do she'll change it. I don't feel appreciated for the things I do. Another manager is constantly ragging on my about my physical appearance. I need to wear makeup I don't look professional, or those camo capris are ugly why are you wearing them, or different things like that. She makes me feel bad about myself all the time, and I'm getting tired of it. There are days I seriously have to do everything in my power not to punch her in the face. She gets away with doing nothing all the time because she's the main manager's best friend. She says almost every shift I don't feel like doing anything so she doesn't, but she's constantly telling me what to do, or trying to send me home early so she can take my hours. And I looked at my schedule for next week and starting today I work 7 days in a row. Not only am I annoyed that I don't get a weekend off this month but I'm also annoyed I'm working another Sunday. When I agreed to become manager part of it was I would only work ONE Sunday a month, and I've been working every other Sunday for about 3 months.... :( GRRR I try talking to the main manager about it and she ignores what I have to say. I seriously don't think this job is worth it. I'm working part time, no insurance, and I really dislike the people I work with. I think I'm going to give my self ulcers with how much I stress about work.

Struggling with the holiday spirit. What else is new. It seems like the older I get the less I like holidays. They use to be fun when I was younger, but now they are all about give me, give me, give me. What ever happened to the true meaning of Christmas???? Where are you Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why have you gone away? Where is the laughter, You used to bring me? Why can't I hear music play? My world is changing I'm rearranging, Does that mean Christmas changes too?? That song lyric pretty much sums up how I feel about that....

As for Struggling with friends....... Lately I feel like I don't have any real friends. One of my best friends cut me out of her life after we had a minor disagreement. She felt like I was judging her for not wanting to watch a scary movie a while back... When my group of friends planned a movie night we planned a scary movie night. Kelise didn't want to watch a scary movie which yes I was disappointed but I was okay with changing the movie if it would make her happy. Apparently it didn't make her happy..... she also feels like I'm trying to change who she is. Which I guess I was a little bit, but at the same time she was the one who felt like she had no other friends in the ward so yes I tried to push her out of her shy shell to meet new people. Sorry for trying to help..... I'm frustrated that she would just cut me out of her life. She talked to others in person when she was having problems with them, but she won't talk to me in person. She'll only do it through text which sucks you get wrong impressions of what is said thru text messages... so that's my problem with Kelsie, but I'm struggling with others too... My supposedly best guy friend is hardly talking to me lately, and my best friend D and I are driving each other insane apparently. I think we've spent too much time together. Things were taken the wrong way and things haven't been the same. We've hardly talked to each other in the past 2 weeks. We're getting together tomorrow so her and her sister can use my Costco card so we'll see how weird things are between us. I just don't know what to do any more. I feel like nothing I say or do is right with my friends not sure how much more I can handle.....

I also miss my sister she needs to come home from Hawaii already I need to meet her little girl. I need some baby time, maybe that will cheer me up, or it'll make me more depressed because I don't have a family of my own.... but we'll see. Hopefully it makes me happy..... well I should head to bed I have to work in the morning...... :/